For Ashley on Graduation

Insomnia is the worst, usually. Usually I spend my unsleeping time thinking more about work-related stress, my bad decision making about boys, the essentially lonely state of the planet and how I'd like to fix it for everybody, my internal conflict between my need for love and my need for freedom. You know, the typical sad things that people think about during unsleeping time. But tonight, I'm kind of glad for the awake time. Because I'm thinking about Ashley. She's graduating from college next weekend, you know.

Ashley came into my life when she was twelve. So do that math. Then I got Toni. Then Emma. Then suddenly my vodka bottles started tasting like they may have been watered down. Then I got a whole new family who scared me a little bit at holidays, but that was mostly just Uncle Kenny. Then the girls turned 21 which was a turn for the scary side, and then Emma graduated, and then Emma got engaged, and then Ashley got engaged, and then Toni finally fell in love and insisted on telling us about it on Facebook every day.

And even though I love them all, Ashley is always my little sweet one who I never had to say "Inside voice please" to. And she's graduating. And then getting married. And doing big things. And I'm so proud of her. And I was thinking, what would I want to tell Ashley for graduation? Because, for me, my life began after college graduation. Somehow the world was just suddenly bigger, and if somebody had told me things then, what would I have wanted to know?

So I made her a list.

- Always find the good in people. Always. It is so much easier to see the other parts, but everybody has the good part. With that said...

- That doesn't mean that everybody has a place in your life. I don't want to make it about math, but the net impact of a person on your life needs to be positive. If it's not, then you need to let go even if it hurts and it's hard. Because a person can be a good person, but that doesn't mean that their effect on you is good. With that said...

- Don't be afraid to let go of people. It leaves room in your heart for other people who are better for you to come fill up, but it is easy to think that there is something sad about letting go of a person or an idea. And as a side note...

- Always, ALWAYS, start the night with a vodka drink. It evens your buzz out for the rest of the night. And speaking of drinking...

- Stop with the soft drinks. There's nothing redeeming about them. What is redeeming, though, is ...

- Amazing women. Love your guy friends, but treasure your girl friends (tm Jen Gaspar). It's not PC to say, but women you can relate to and count on are harder to find then men you can hang out with. Speaking of men...

- The right man for you is the one that you have (Hi, Randy!), and I know this because the right man for you will not care about any of the following things: whether you're as smart as or smarter than he is, whether you have a life outside of being with him, whether you slept with him on the first date or the hundredth date, whether you come home drunk once and a while as long as it's not in front of the kids, whether you have an opinion, whether you occasionally want to wear sweatpants and watch bad TV. Speaking of love...

- Even if you don't send Christmas cards, always send Valentine's Day cards. It's important to let people know you love them. Speaking of love again...

- Love big. Love is one of the few things you should either go big or go home with. And, finally, speaking of love...

- Give it freely. This will be easy if you're always looking for the good in people. However...

- Protect yourself if you can see you're about to get hurt. There's nothing wrong with that. Don't be a martyr. Ever. Unless the end days are really here. It's an annoying character flaw. Also an annoying character flaw to be avoided...

- Emotional masochism. You don't do that, but I do. Whatever you do, don't pick that up from me! But something you should pick up from me because it's pretty cool...

- Keep a workout schedule. You will thank me when you're my age if you do this. Nobody wants to be all saggy at thirty-something. Trust me, it's easier now because I started when I was your age. Speaking of your age...

- It isn't just a number, as much as people would like you to believe that. There are really things that you won't be able to do when you're older. Make sure that you do them now. And if those things involve travel...

- Find a way to make it happen. The world is a big place. Seeing more of it is better than seeing less. People live differently, and speaking of that...

- It is perfectly acceptable to answer somebody's criticism of you by saying "I don't live like you do." As long as you, too, are accepting of other's different ways of living. Speaking of acceptable...

- Having to have security escort you out of "Nine Mile" because you got frustrated with the gangster in the back row's cell phone going off and turned around and yelled out "ARE YOU RETARDED?" right during the big "rap off" scene is not acceptable. And, finally...

I do not want to get all Mark Green on you, but the the scene where he dies in ER is the single best three minutes of television ever (and I don't even like that show). Be generous. Always. In all opportunities. Bake cookies and cupcakes. Listen to your friends when they need it. Volunteer to cat sit. Offer rides. Buy the last round of drinks whenever you're not broke. Make your time available to others. Be generous even if you're not going to get it back. Because it's the best quality that people have.

Life is for the living, sweet, wonderful girl. Live every moment that you can.